chocola's writing

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

A Horrible Thing-Draft one

There are four little boys playing in the park. One of them is called Jack who is mischievous. He thinks that it is fun to climb the tree, which is next to the ceramic water jar. So he doesn’t think too much. Suddenly, Jack falls off carelessly the jar which is not only large but high. Everyone is frightened and nervous. And they don’t know what to do. At that time, two of them think that they can carry the stone to break the jar to save him. So they carry the stone quickly. And they throw the stone at the jar. Fortunately, the jar is broken and Jack is saved successfully. What a happy ending .From then on, Jack swears that he won’t do it again because it is such a horrible experience!

11 Comments:

Blogger 平井" said...

Suddenly, Jack falls off carelessly the jar which is not only large but high.
-->..,Jack falls off the jar carelessly....

我覺得寫的很好耶~

7:31 AM  
Blogger :V,瀞 ”婷* said...

And they don’t know (what to do). =how to do it.

其它ok

8:55 AM  
Blogger 飛奇 said...

我覺得還不錯~~

7:48 PM  
Blogger 郭包子 said...

寫的很讚哦!問題別人都講過了XD

7:58 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Suddenly, Jack falls off carelessly the jar which is not only large but high.
high我覺得可以換成 deep
再後面可加一句Worst of all, Jack can't swim. 等等類似的句子

8:09 PM  
Blogger 汶汶汶 said...

So he doesn’t think too much.

改and比較順。

8:16 PM  
Blogger 楊文琳 said...

Jack falls off carelessly the jar which is not only large but high.
→Jack falls down carelessly into the jar which is not only large but high.

8:18 PM  
Blogger [[ 我是_思,,* ]] said...

寫的很棒欸ˇ

我要講的被親愛的"楊文琳"講走了_

O(=3=)/

8:29 PM  
Blogger [[ 我是_思,,* ]] said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:29 PM  
Blogger [[ 我是_思,,* ]] said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8:29 PM  

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